1. “That’s not gluten free is it?”
“No.”
“Good.”

2. Can’t abide by a place that sells underwear, toy Sasquatch arms, wallets, moleskin nbs, greeting cards, and “70s style running shorts.”

3. “Dude, it’s a, yeaaah”

1. The Queen in heat accepts the slant-ins from several ardent Toms in a noisy chorus of superfecundity.

2. Thos.’s mug is handmade.

3. Ali Baba’s woman:

• If the other 2 people hadn’t come in Thos. would have started crying
• “Sometimes I think you want to fail.”
• She was drinking a 44oz. Mountain Dew and doing a word find.
• The kids in front of Boise Fry Co. were laughing at us for eating there.
• Worst falafel on the planet.
• Jews make the best falafel

4. Victimized conservatives in the ‘fly-over’ states are just as culpable for the sorry state of our country as deranged and deviant liberals.
-they are upset at being disenfranchised even though they like the exact same reality television and foods stuffed into other foods as coastal elitists, but their caginess is more a product of shame for not being attractive and hip.

5. “I need 4 shots! Gotta get my buzz on!”

6. This is the best place on the trip so far.

7. The barista thinks Thos. is ignoring JH like the guy’s wife on her device in Sweet Melissa’s, Laramie.
-JH lives in the moment

8. If you barely fit in your stretchy sundress you probably don’t need a Coke for breakfast.

Padcast Eight of JH and Thos.’s tableau roadshow.

1. Thos. doesn’t pretend to think NYC was cooler when it was overrun by criminals, but Ogden seems too nice, like a Twilight Zone episode where robots come up and pick up trash and kill strangers.

2. Kenn Allen should have written a sequel to Westworld where he sleeps with Roman slave-boys in Roman World.

3. 8 DEAD ON I-80

4. JH has never heard so much reggae in his life as this week.

5. this place needs a “suitor’s gallery” like Java Lords in Atlanta for the vanilla mountain hipsters to have a place to sit while they cruise the barista.

6. Yoda watercolor

7. Incorrect perspective in ‘some Velazquez’ painting

8. What flavor is Orgeat? (something to do w/ almonds)

• what are these flavors for?
  eg. watermelon?
• steamers?
• go to hell, steamers.

9. 8 coffeeshops in five days, becoming a blur.

10. Sandwiches prepared by other people than myself are vile. -JH

11. Flatbread and pita bread are not the same.

Padcast Seven of JH and Thos.’s tableau roadshow

- Plain bagel, toasted, $2.25

- Republican debate, What’s so funny about Newt thinking everyone’s stupid but him?

1. JT wanted to come here.

2. Despite accusations from Micha Issitt, etc., CT does not have the power to put anyone out of business or convince anyone of anything.

3. This place was out of coffee.

4. [diagram nullifying douchebags who wear their Oakleys on the back of their necks when indoors]

5. Luby’s massacre, wish it would happen right here, right now!

6. Wash your wand, lady!

1. Things Thos. doesn’t know: What is so edgy about charging for soymilk?

2. I’ll take it black.

3. Edgy coffee shops

• Every thirty minutes coffee comes out of fire sprinklers
• The ceiling is constantly getting lower
• Free soymilk on the counter
• Cats
• No gum chewing policy

4. Is that girl really tall or are we just sitting really low?
-It is the height of two motel stick pens

5. Elliot [sic] Smith killed himself in a badass way.

6. Thos. was happy when Kurt Cobain died, now he feels bad.

7. Amy Winehouse’s death that too late to be cool, unless she subscribed to the Richard Manuel School of Suicide, ie, the most pathetic way possible, in a Quality Inn in Winter Park, FL.

1. What is a snickerdandy? Is snickerdoodle copyrighted?

2. People with sunglasses aren’t attractive.

3. Archway monument, I-80

4. Butler Building strip clubs

5. Bad Gene face

6. Guy on scooter @ drive thru window. Gets off and stands @ window. why wouldn’t you just walk through the front door?

7. People in the great plains exclusively drink ridiculous coffee drinks

1. Roller derby, don’t get it.

2. Flies everywhere.

3. Loser geek @ Big Lots like[s] Akira t-shirts.

4. Comcast only monitors for people stealing their shows.

5. My first time here I left because it looked like somewhere that sells hard candy out of a barrel.

6. Retrograde motion and tennis balls thrown out the window.

7. “Isn’t it always night in space?” -JT

8. I’d look at anyone naked in public if they offer. -Thos.

1. Music in coffeeshops, Green Line, Cat Power, commercial pop radio

2. Make new track listing for white album, cut out McCartney

3. Secure wifi is stupid.

[diagram of a cameltoe]

4. Lesbian relationships and sub genres

5. Android music players

6. Playlists

7. Photomat Drive-up coffee shops

8. Artificial flavors and flavored coffee, ‘how do they do that?’ -thos.

9. ‘Vegan’ Little Debbies

10. ‘Dr _____’ store brand Dr. Pepper’s

11. Autism and portable videogame devices are the same

12. Psychologist’s rates

13. EMDR, charlatans

14. An Oreo in bar form shouldn’t be called an Oreo anymore

15. Thos. worked at one of the Black Crowes wedding

16. Heckle and Jeckle, what kind of birds are they

17. [diagram of ass so big it causes shorts to hang at angle]
[diagram of jeans too tight to pull over hips]

18. [diagram nullifying pants with pockets that are placed where ass meets legs]

1. Soymilk on counter in the sticks.

2. Space frames, how do they work? -Thos.

3. Coffeeshops with mugs of their own.

4. Why don’t people know how to not look ugly?

5. Lünd

6. No objective attractive, definitely objective unattractive
→ angelina jolie
→ michelle obama

7. Lewis Grace blue tape detail.

8. Cute kid → ugly adult

9. Kory Stamper

10. Why does Paducah exist?

11. Thos. hasn’t seen TCM

12. Geographic center of U.S.; arguments for different approaches.

13. White people invented reggae.