Gorilla Coffee gives just that city life feel. When you walk in you’re not greeted with a warm hello. You’re not greeted at all. You receive a glare as if, “how dare you come in here and expect to be treated as a customer… what do you think this is exactly? A retail business? *scoff*”. When indie coffeehouses became popular, this was the normal ‘tude to be expected from the stereotypical barista. It’s still inexcusable. If I’m coming into your establishment with the intention of buying two espresso-based beverages that will most likely be in the ten dollar range and we haven’t even gotten to an accompanying pastry, you better say hello damn it. A percentage of your rent in this high priced city just walked through the door.
Aside from the suckey customer service, the coffeehouse seating is narrow which is normal for a lot of Brooklyn establishments as space is limited and the buildings are mostly very old. Inside I found it to be more “fast food pizza shop” than “cozy coffeehouse” with beige walls and red diner tables with black plastic stacking chairs in almost a buffet row. I guess they chose black & red due to the logo. It’s still not a bad place to sit in for a quick coffee. Not a place I’d lounge in at night for too long it’s bright and “un-cozy” hence the pizza shop reference. Not to mention … this NEW YORK CITY coffeehouse closes @ 9pm! In the city that Never sleeps!?

Aside from the cons… The coffee is roasted on-site and it’s absolutely WONDERFUL. They have a dark roast profile for most of their coffee so almost of them are heavy in taste and bold in aroma. Though their baristi are jerks and their coffeehouse is a crappy hang out spot, the most important aspect was on point.

I’d definitely order a drink on the go and pretend they’re polite. Or even better I’d buy a pound on their website.

Coffee-centrism is obviously critical, but how can this be defined? Is it the amount of space on the menu and in the program devoted to coffee-based drinks? Is it the prominence of the espresso machine? Is it represented by keywords such as ‘bean’, ‘buzz’, or ‘grounds’ in the name of the establishment? Can the importance of coffee to the proprietors be judged based on whether the brew is served from an vaccum airpot, an urn, or a carafe?

Not suitable for cafe tableaux.

One branch of confusion stems from the misuse of the term ‘cafe’; businesses that may be more described as ‘bistros’ or even ‘restaurants’ include ‘cafe’ in their name, perhaps in an effort to make known the light-hearted atmosphere, assuring the slovenly-dressed patrons — typically averse to mature dining — that there will be televisions overhead and plastic chairs for seating adjacent to the parking lot. The term ‘coffeeshop’ seems interchangeable with ‘diner’ — a place where one would expect a mayonnaised sandwich to arrive with a pickle wedge and a pile of ridged potato chips.

There are, at least, some conditions that clarify what is unsuitable for a tableaux:

Orders are taken at your table.
There are tablecloths.
Food is prepared on a stove, to order.

If any of these rules apply, then unfortunately ‘sNice is not suitable for review on cafetableaux. This reviewer personally finds this to be a shame, as ‘sNice has proved to be a reliable base of operations on his late business sojourns to New York City — a place to comfortably while the hours between the arrival of the bus from the suburbs and the start of class. Though constantly busy, ‘sNice is vast and generously spacious; aside from ska, the music is a generally pleasant background; and your hours can be sustained by Philly-Style Seitan sandwiches, Spicy Buffalo Soy Wrap, or a Smoked Tofu Panini. – finished off with vegan blondies, apple muffins, and cookie/soy cream sandwiches.

Considering that ‘sNice may not be reviewed on CT, then, our discovery one morning of Grounded after the nigh-fiasco of stepping into Tartine, is all the more fortuitous, as it enables the dropping of ‘sNice’s name into a review as well as serves as a foil for the neighborhood to nearby Tartine: we had come across Grounded shortly after being snubbed out of that misadventure, spurring effusive curses and angry vows to visit immediately upon the next arrival to New York City. With awareness of my propensity for losing my sense of direction, I shakily sketched a map onto the back of a business card assuring an unhitched return.

Although at least half of my entries into Grounded have been followed by an immediate exit, sans beverage, due to their eight tables are almost invariably occupied, Grounded is always worth the attempt, as it is a rare innocent cafe in New York. There is no ‘large coffee for here’; they will give you a mug and tell you to return for a refill. Slid into a space that was possibly once a garage, it maintains that notion of honesty; it neither obliterates the previous state of use nor fills a blank inauthentic pretenses. I wistfully imagine some anarcho-hippies being teleported from Missoula or Madison and finding the empty chamber ideal for their cafe. They write the prices for Fair Trade coffee and tofutti on the wall, hang their shingle above the door, and leave it at that. Warmly illuminated via a skylight, only the tacky — pervasive in the city — pay-as-you-go internet stations rouses me from my reverie and remind me of the tumultuous metropolis outside its door.

Taking refuge from Tuesday’s rain in ‘sNice, I’ll try Grounded again Thursday.