cast of characters:

pop: seasoned world traveler, coffee aesthete, perfectionist
son: uptight prosewriting provocateur
wanda: mountain woman
soulpatch: failed SCAD hack, opportunist, venice beach reject
cashier: current SCAD student
ms. soulpatch (offstage): condescending masculine female

saturday, midmorning, the front doors of a cafe are open, cool air drifts in across the tile floors drawing blue savannah fog to meet the fluorescent pastry coolers.

ms soulpatch: wanda!
pop: rising ill get that.
wanda: this aint what ah ord’r'd.
pop: rising let me see what i can do. to ms soulpatch hi, this isnt the right thing, could you get us a coffee?
ms soulpatch: this is for wanda.
pop: yes but it isnt right, maybe this is for someone else in our party.
ms soulpatch: no, this is for imitating a hearing impaired speaker wha-n-duh. she ordered this.
pop: no, she ordered a coffee.
ms soulpatch: this is for wanda though.
pop: i realize that! i am with wanda!
soulpatch: appearing behind passthrough in kitchen look at all this whole milk i am carrying, and i am wearing a brown leather jacket!
ms soulpatch: it says she ordered a mocha.
pop: well she ordered a coffee.
ms soulpatch: it says mocha here… for wanda.

later, all are served, except son, who is waiting on his uncomplicated order, sensing in advance that it will be eff’d up, gets up to stand by the counter.

soulpatch: to ms soulpatch this is for someone in that really big party (of 6 -playwright).
ms soulpatch: son!
son: this isnt what i ordered, i ordered a latte with soymilk sits down to wait before he is defied.
wanda: why didnt you just drink it?
son: it is the principle! i hope this place burns to cinders.
ms soulpatch: son!
son: is this a soy latte?
ms soulpatch: no, it is just a latte.
son: ok, can i just get my money back?
cashier: soulpatch? how do i give him a refund, he says he ordered a soy latte and we messed it up repeatedly.
soulpatch: from behind the counter what?! wait a bit.
son: can you just give me cash? i dont need it back on the card.
cashier: no, no, ill figure it out, once soulpatch gets out here.
son: returning to his party im about to flip the table over.
wanda: you shouldve just drank it.
son: it is the principle, i dont want this place to have my money at this point, they cant get anyones orders right and they seemed exasperated that we were giving them our business from the second we came in.
cashier: coming up to table here is the cash, soulpatch couldnt be bothered to come out and show me how to do a proper refund, or apologize to you for his self-important attitude.
soulpatch: aside i wish i hadnt sucked at painting, maybe people will think this botched cafe is conceptual art!
son: eff this, im going to sentient bean.

coffee, cafe, coffeeshop, review, café

Cafe Ambrosia

202 East Broughton Street


Savannah, Georgia 31401